Is it over yet? Lent I mean….

I tend to think that under normal circumstances time just seems to fly by however these forty days of Lent seem to lengthen the days somehow. Maybe it’s just because I am more aware of my behavior and the behavior of those around me. I have learned what sets me off and have also begun to notice what sets others off as well.

It’s just a notice for me in my attempt to become a better person, not wanting to offend those around me as well as being able to control my thoughts and emotions. I have noticed that when I am tired or frustrated the swear words seem to roll off my tongue or at least enter my mind and when I am in control, comfortable in my surroundings and relaxed I don’t seem to have the need to use a wrong word.

So my Lenten journey has been more of a journey about myself and who I am or better yet who I want to be more than anything else. Maybe that’s what sacrifice is all about. What is it that I can live without in order to be a better person? What do I need to change about myself to make others feel welcomed or for me to achieve all the things that I dream of?

All my life I have given up something during the season of Lent however I never really held myself accountable to it. This year in blogging somehow that seemed to make it more real and helped to make me pay attention to what I said I would do. Announcing it to the world helped me in being more accountable. Thomas Edison said that whenever he came up with an idea of a new invention, he would call a press conference and announce it to the world in order to help him follow through with what it was that he said he would accomplish. That is what this writing has done for me.

With only two weeks left before Easter I have to say that I look forward to the end of the season, to bring closure and at least a little bit of accomplishment to this pledge. It also makes me think about what it takes to change a habit. I have heard that it takes ninety days to change your sub-conscious. While at a conference where John Assaraf was speaking he challenged the audience to give up something for ninety days to help change that thought pattern. The catch, if you will, was that if you fell of the wagon (so to speak) even once, then you had to start the ninety day period all over again.

Oh my gosh, if that were true during this Lenten season then I would be starting all over again TODAY!!! UGH!

Ask Merry – new blog

Please take a moment to be re-directed to my new blog site www.askmerry.com. I look forward to seeing you there! Come join me!

Week 2 of Lent

My husband getting ready for his first helicopter ride

Well I don’t know about you but I feel I have been thrown some doozies over the past two weeks and in some instances I have caved but at least not without noticing.

I have been told before that noticing is half the battle. Whew! I certainly hope that’s the case otherwise I have failed miserably. Last weekend my husband had a hiking accident where he fractured 2 vertebrae, broke 4 ribs, and collapsed his left lung and had to be rescued by helicopter. Ouch…no kidding.

Those quick 4 letter words come so easily to my mind and out of my mouth. I have gone through a wide range of emotion from feeling inadequate about being able to take care of him, to anger for him hiking in inclement weather, to being overwhelmed by the added changes to our lifestyles. I have felt selfish, tired, frustrated and so much more. I have cried, laughed and wanted to hit something. I have wanted time off from Lent…

I know there is a lesson here; sometimes I just don’t want to learn it. UGH! Why is it that my favorite swear words a great, expressive, easy to say 4 letter words. I have been really working on finding words to replace them but nothing seems to sound just right. So now I’m down to attempting to forget about them all together. Not so easy.

So my journey continues, attempting to think good thoughts with compassion and patience. When I take the time to breath everything seems better, it’s in the height of the moment when my mind switches…another good notice. Now it’s not like I use swear words all the time, it just really is inappropriate to use them at all. Etiquette and leadership again take precedence; anger and frustration never get the job done. What’s that saying “you can catch more bees with honey than you can vinegar” so spreading honey and being grateful is what I am trying to do. How about you?

Up, up and away!!!

Day 3 of Lent

Why is it that after stating my decision to give up swearing for these forty days of Lent that everyone on the road is cutting in front of me, just to challenge me I’m sure, as well as the grocery line has been the absolute longest it has ever been when I’m in a hurry. Where are all these people coming from? And what about my UPS package that was supposed to be here today? What happened to that, huh?

An interesting observation about myself is that before something has happened I’m already onto the next thing in my mind. Is sacrificing something during these days of Lent to bring me back to the present time and space? Is it a disruption in my daily routine so that I begin to notice things around me? Or are these forty days of Lent about giving me those AHA! moments so that I can be grateful more often?

I’ve also learned that Lent is actually 46 days, but no one really talks about that. Have you pulled out a calendar lately and counted the days, well I have. And sure enough, it’s 46 days from Ash Wednesday to Easter Sunday. The Catholic Church says that the seventh day or Sunday is a day of rest. What does that mean exactly? Does that mean I get to swear every Sunday? Or am I supposed to take those additional days and learn from them? I’m sure there is a lesson in here somewhere.

The other thing I have asked myself is that in stopping to swear, does that also mean I can’t even think the swear words or write them down? Is that the same thing? So far in the last three days I have slipped several times verbally but the hardest part has been to control my thoughts. This journey has made me notice that these words come with a lot of judgment about others. You certainly are never saying anything nice about someone or something when you are swearing. So I have begun to notice the negativity that surrounds these words and my mind; which is a pretty funny thing for me because I consider myself a positive person. Imagine what I am missing out on.

AHA moment, as I clean up my mouth I am also cleaning and clearing up my mind. Who would have guessed? How is your journey coming?

My Lenten Journey

Yesterday I realized it was the beginning of Lent for us Catholics. I took a break to put some thought into what I was willing to give up or sacrifice for the next forty days. HMMMM!!! I really like all of my vices so it was a tough decision.

After deliberating over martinis, chocolate, nail biting or swearing; I finally decided upon giving up swearing. Not sure I made the right decision but I’m going to stick with it. Now comes the forty days of Lent…which made me wonder where my quick tongue come from? This immediately put a smile on my face….

Growing up in a small town in Maine where my father was the town doctor and my mother a stay at home wife, one would never guess that my mothers favorite saying was “God damn it” but in a kind and gentle way if you can imagine that. My mom was a great lady with a unique sense of humor always with a cigarette in hand.

At the young age of 73 she suffered a heart attack, yes from all the smoking, but the reason I smiled when thinking of giving up swearing for forty days was the view of my mother in her hospital bed moments before she died.

In the hospital with no hope of survival my sisters, brother, spouses and grandchildren were surrounding my mother’s bed. The nurse (a male) came in to tell us that our mother was not going to recover. Now she was awake during all this but on morphine so not really sure what she gleaned, anyway…the nurse told us that as her heart slowed down and eventually stop that her feet would die first. I of course had never experienced anything like this before so my heart skipped a beat as we all listened intently. He went on to mention that after her feet lost their pulse her legs would be next and eventually her heart would stop. As death came upon her legs they would begin to cramp as the circulation stopped, he went on to say that our mother would want us to rub her legs but that she would not be able to feel our hands, for some reason it made me rub harder just in case he was wrong.

The only thing he could do to comfort her at that point would be to administer more morphine until finally she would simply close her eyes. So as her legs began to cramp and our rubbing was of no comfort we called out to the nurse to help alleviate the pain. I remember watching him walk in the room and reach down to her ankle to take a pulse. He looked at all of us and said “the end is near, her feet are dead.”

We all swallowed deep and kept reminiscing over funny family stories; the nurse in the meantime walked around to the head of the bed and said “Marie, how are you feeling?” Her response was “Joe, how would you feel if I reached down and grabbed your balls and twisted the hell out of them? That’s how I feel, now fix it!” The nurse had no idea what to say at this point but nod and administer the drugs; we on the other hand erupted into laughter as we watched our mother gently close her eyes for the last time turning our laughter into tears.

So as I decide to try my hand at giving up swearing for forty days, I must do so by first thinking of my mother and asking for her to watch over me for this time putting new words in my mouth and new thoughts in my head.

I miss you Mom, forty days here I come….what are you willing to sacrifice to become a better person?

Bigger, better, more in 2010

What would your life look like if you couldn’t use any excuses?
-Wayne Dyer

A vision board or treasure map is a perfect way to keep you on track for what it is that you say you want. It is a visual map of who your mind’s eye sees you as, it’s your secret self made visual so that you can emotionally connect with who and what it is that you believe you can do or have. The great thing about creating a vision board or treasure map is that it can not be criticized as it is your dreams and aspirations; however it is difficult at times to get other people’s opinions out of our minds. So I just want you to think for a moment about that. What would you do, be or have if money and other people’s opinions were not an issue. What gift would you bring to world? What would your life look like?

What if as you crossed the threshold of the doorway you did so as though it were the very first time? What if you could strip yourself of the past and the future? So that right now, right here you were present like the first day of school.

Who are you without your past, what stories-good-bad or ugly can you let go of, to just BE who it is you say you are or who it is you aspire to BE. Who are you without your past, without having to justify your dreams and ambitions? How would you describe that person? I like to look at myself from the top down, like having an out of body experience. Describe yourself from that vantage point as if you had already achieved everything you wanted to.

Dr. Maxwell Maltz, the author of Psycho-Cybernetics wrote “the human mind can not tell the difference between what is real and what is vividly imaged” that is what you will be creating in this vision board workshop. Join me on February 19th in Phoenix, Arizona as I challenge you to become bigger, better, more…contact me for more details. Let’s build a better universe on vision at a time.

To shave or not to shave

On my first trip to Poland in 1993 my husband and I decided we would take our collective family of 3 teenage daughters to Europe to meet his family and see his homeland.

It was an incredible trip on many fronts but one day in particular stands out among the rest. We had decided when planning this trip that we wanted to experience the life of an average Pole. Our daughters had it pretty good in the US so we hoped to show them how others might live.

On planning a stay in my husband’s home town of Lodz, his sister a prominent doctor in the area placed a sign in the local church, Catholic of course, asking if anyone would be interested in taking in an American family of 5 for a few nights. One woman responded to her and the plans were made.

We arrived in the city of Lodz in the early afternoon and drove directly to the woman’s home to get everyone settled. My husband and his daughter speak fluent Polish while my daughters and I do not. Well maybe a Polish hello, good bye, kiss me, and I love you but that was the extent of it.

The woman, we’ll call her Pani (woman in Polish) was hanging out the window of her second story apartment anxiously awaiting our arrival. We all waved as we tumbled out of the car and proceeded to climb the stairs of the age old building. Once inside we quickly found that she could not speak any English. Well, it seemed okay at the time as my husband and his daughter were there to translate.

As Pani led us into the one bedroom that the apartment had we noticed that there was only one bed and single at that. We brought all of our luggage in and she proceeded to gather feather comforters from every nook and cranny in the place and pile them on the floor. She told us that this is where the girls would stay.

She brought my husband and I into the living room and pointed to the couch. That was to be our sleeping quarters. Cozy, very cozy. But we were tired and very grateful to have a place to lay our heads. I kept asking my husband where Pani was going to sleep but it was not polite to ask her. So it never entered into the discussion.

Later that night my husband and his family were having a gathering and as they would be primarily speaking Polish, my daughters and I decided to have a quite night off, take baths in the fabulous deep tub and settle into Pani’s home.

We found out that she was a widow and had never encountered Americans before this. She so wanted to communicate with my daughters and I, which ended up being a mix between hand gestures, charades and a lot of pointing. We figured out from Pani putting her fingers to her mouth and saying “peach, peach” that she was asking us if we wanted something to drink. We were able to respond by saying “Tak, prosec” (yes, please) and she was thrilled that we were making an attempt at her language.

My youngest daughter was 12 years old at the time and was reading YM (Young Miss) magazine, I’m not sure it even exists anymore. On the cover was one of the pop stars kissing a girl. Pani noticed this cover; she ripped the magazine out of my daughters’ hands, threw it on the floor and began to stomping on it. I gently said to my daughter, “well, I guess you shouldn’t be reading that magazine” and we quietly chuckled and put the magazine away.

Being American’s we were quite used to bathing daily, something that isn’t so common in this part of Poland. Remember, my daughters are teenagers. I haven’t seen them naked in years; they would run and hide every time I came near them. That being said, they both wanted to shower, but there wasn’t one. We were in a home of a woman that only had a bath. So bath it was. First the older one went in and Pani went in right behind her. I thought I was going to pee my pants knowing the hysteria that my daughter must have been feeling. Next my youngest. She at the time had these long, finger curl locks of brown hair that is just not common in Poland. As she got into the tub, Pani of course right behind her put her hands onto her head and started speaking Polish. My daughter called out to me and I went in to see how I could help. Pani was looking at me, scratching her head and then pointing to my daughter who was naked in the tub and totally mortified. I told my daughter that Pani wanted to touch her hair and wash it. Oh no, touch her hair, see her naked…this was a day for the history books. So. I stayed with them in the bathroom as Pani rambled on rubbing my daughters beautiful curly locks.

After this traumatic experience everyone was ready for bed, well almost. I had the bright idea that while everyone was sound asleep I could sneak into the bathroom to shave my legs. Another American tradition. But yet again, once I had my leg up on the side of the sink, standing in a t-shirt and underwear the door opened and there stood Pani. What was she thinking? She again started to ramble on and pulled up her nightgown and took my hand to rub her thigh. Then she took my hand and brought me out into the living room showing me a picture of her and her dead husband. I just could not put two and two together until finally my husband and his daughter arrived back from having dinner with his family and they translated “Why would you take away something that God gave you? God put hair on your legs for a reason.” Even after all this time I’m still not sure what that reason might be but her comments have stuck with me and it does make me think now and again, “What else do I dismiss that God gave me?”

Later that night once the lights were out and all was quite, I whispered in my husband’s ear “Where is Pani?” He quietly got up and much to our surprise she was asleep on the floor by the door to her apartment. I told him that he must wake her up and we would take the floor and she should sleep on the couch. So…he woke her up. She kindly looked into his eyes and said “A guest in my house is like having God in the house, you will take the couch. I will gladly take the floor.” Still when I think of that night and how unconditionally giving this woman was it brings tears to my eyes, she passed away several years ago. None of us will ever forget her.

Kindness is a gift we all have. Making others feel welcomed doesn’t cost anything, it only takes us to be present in the moment and think of others first.

Do No Harm

I had an interesting conversation with a friend the other day. It came up during our phone call that I was going to blog about Tiger Woods and what his escapades are going to cost him. My friend, Mitch, told me that he felt as though what happened with Tiger Woods is private and should stay as such. Mitch went on to say that his own personal life philosophy is to “Do No Harm.” He mentioned that Tiger didn’t kill anyone and that what he did was a marital issue and not a public one. I appreciate my friends’ philosophy.

But what would “Do No Harm” mean to me? Believe me I thought long and hard about this after our conversation. How far should we take the words “Do No Harm?” For me I certainly have been hurt by and probably have hurt others by some of the words that have been spoken. Who are we harming if we are not living up to our potential? Is criticizing another person a form of “harming?” Certainly not lending a hand to someone in need could be deemed as harming? Stealing from a company or from another person, is that harming? Or does harming just have to mean killing or physically hurting someone?

I guess for me I can only describe my thoughts by attempting to live by the “Optimists Creed” that is found on the website of the movie “The Secret.” I do my best each day to keep this in my mind, to “Do No Harm.” I look forward to your thoughts…

I promise myself
To be so strong that nothing can disturb my peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person I meet.
To make all my friends feel that there is something worthwhile in them.
To look at the sunny side of everything and make my optimism come true.
To think only of the best, to work only for the best
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success
of others as I am about my own.
To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the
greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful expression at all times and give a smile
to every living creature I meet.
To give so much time to improving myself that I
have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, to noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.
To think well of myself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words but in great deeds.
To live in the faith that the whole world is on my side,
so long as I am true to the best that is in me.
Christian D. Larson

For Tiger Woods what would he take back if he could? How would he have done differently? Was it all worth it? He has not only lost sponsors worth ten of thousands of dollars but he has lost a family and has tarnished his legacy. What do you want people to remember about you. Sure we all make mistakes, will this be yesterday’s news soon? Probably, but who did Tiger harm or not?

Took a break from technology and what it taught me…

So, if you’re like me wondering if all this blogging, tweeting and other social media stuff is all worth it let me just share my experience. I jumped into the social media thing earlier this year doing twitter, facebook, linkedin, blogging. I quickly became overwhelmed, well not so much me but my husband. I became engrossed in all of these social media forms however it got to the point that each time I even got the least bit close to my computer I could hear it calling me, wondering what was going on in the world, who was doing what, and who could I reach out to? The sucking noise of the computer seemed to pull me closer and closer each night until “the straw that broke the camels back” so to speak, my husband just came over and unplugged the computer. Whew! I was FREE. It was at that point that I decided to take a break from everything to do some soul searching, to see what was important to me and the growth of my business, to make sure that I was passionate about what I was doing and not just making noise, to find out if I was really adding value to the world.

What I found out, for me, is that I do have a lot to share and that the information and products that I provide do offer or enhance people’s way of life and actually can help others to feel more comfortable and less stressed. That’s a good thing. I also realized that as much as I was told in elementary school that I was a terrible writer, I do enjoy it. I may not always use the right punctuation or the correct verbage but these are my thoughts so it is best to come out in my words.

So yes, I am extremely passionate about what I do. I enjoy all aspects of what I do from speaking about etiquette or presenting vision board workshops, to creating products that make the shopping experience more enjoyable, to assisting others in defining the business of their dreams. Now it’s just a matter of sharing what I know and having a blast doing it, on my time so that all this social media stuff remains fun instead of a chore. Now I’m back up and running with blogging, tweeting, facebook and linkedin with a new look to launch shortly that feels more like me and who I am. I so look forward to sharing with you again.

I’d love to hear your struggles or successes with fitting social media into your lifestyle and integrating it into your business….write soon!

Things I ponder in the middle of the night…

Are we reverting back to the days of the Wild West? It sometimes seems that way of late. What kind of example or mentors or leaders are we being to our children or grandchildren when they view the outbursts that have taken place on our sports fields, our political venues or even by our news reporters? Or have we had things too good for just a little too long. Have we gotten comfortable being at the top and are threatened when someone comes along to de-thrown us? Have we begun to take things for granted?

Is there a coincidence that these outbursts or lack of respect have taken place around September 11th, is there something in the air? I wonder….as I am awaken in the middle of the night by these thoughts. My mind drifts back to September 11, 2001 and the days and months that followed.

At that time I owned a beautiful stationery store in the historic district of Portland, Maine by the name of Papier Gourmet. The store encompassed a sense of history, elegance and a more refined lifestyle. My clientele enjoyed putting pen to paper and the feelings that correspondence provokes. However what happened that holiday season was that my regular corporate customers stopped ordering holiday cards and thanking their customers for their support and their business. I was told by many that they did not want to show disrespect by celebrating the holidays. Is that what the people that perished that day would have us think? That we should not be thankful and celebrate each other? I wondered what would happen.

Over the next few years I began to notice people’s attitudes changing, as fear or a question of the unknown was planted into the minds of many. Even my own attitudes of what or who I was began to change.

In 2004, I sold my business and my home to go on an adventure with my husband to Europe. What would we do, where would we live, how would we make ends meet? Nothing really seemed to matter, it would all work out. I chalked it all up to a mid-life crisis.

With back packs in hand we toured Eastern Europe looking for a place to call home. Six months later that place ended up to be Phoenix, Arizona, the desert of all places, who would have known.

The open spanse of the horizon somehow drew me in. Being able to see as far as the eye could see at first was daunting but later turned into feelings of abundance as I began to realize the wealth of opportunity this world has to offer?

Now it’s 2009 and five years have quickly flown by. The date is September 19, 2009, and we have just passed another anniversary of the terrible attack on New York City. It seems coincidental to me that we have experienced rudeness, outbursts, lack of decorum, and disrespect all in a very short period of time and all around this date.

What speaks to me is this is just what Al-Qaeda has been waiting for. We are fighting against or pushing against each other just as they had planned, maybe it just took us a little longer than they imagined.

So now here in a country that is made up of immigrants, were we have the power and freedom to do, be and have anything we dream of we are beginning to fear the very power that we have as we see things slipping from our grasps.

From Serena Williams rampage of profanity, to Representative Joe Wilson shouting at President Obama, even the mild mannered Roger Federer got into the act as he was loosing his title in the Men’s Final of the U.S. Open Tournament.

Have we all become too complacent, too comfortable with being the “top dog?” Maybe it’s time to take a step back, take a deep breath and look at our own reasons for been here. What will your legacy be, what are you leaving behind? Will you leave the world a better place?

These are the questions that I ponder on this night. Where do we go from here?