My Lenten Journey

Yesterday I realized it was the beginning of Lent for us Catholics. I took a break to put some thought into what I was willing to give up or sacrifice for the next forty days. HMMMM!!! I really like all of my vices so it was a tough decision.

After deliberating over martinis, chocolate, nail biting or swearing; I finally decided upon giving up swearing. Not sure I made the right decision but I’m going to stick with it. Now comes the forty days of Lent…which made me wonder where my quick tongue come from? This immediately put a smile on my face….

Growing up in a small town in Maine where my father was the town doctor and my mother a stay at home wife, one would never guess that my mothers favorite saying was “God damn it” but in a kind and gentle way if you can imagine that. My mom was a great lady with a unique sense of humor always with a cigarette in hand.

At the young age of 73 she suffered a heart attack, yes from all the smoking, but the reason I smiled when thinking of giving up swearing for forty days was the view of my mother in her hospital bed moments before she died.

In the hospital with no hope of survival my sisters, brother, spouses and grandchildren were surrounding my mother’s bed. The nurse (a male) came in to tell us that our mother was not going to recover. Now she was awake during all this but on morphine so not really sure what she gleaned, anyway…the nurse told us that as her heart slowed down and eventually stop that her feet would die first. I of course had never experienced anything like this before so my heart skipped a beat as we all listened intently. He went on to mention that after her feet lost their pulse her legs would be next and eventually her heart would stop. As death came upon her legs they would begin to cramp as the circulation stopped, he went on to say that our mother would want us to rub her legs but that she would not be able to feel our hands, for some reason it made me rub harder just in case he was wrong.

The only thing he could do to comfort her at that point would be to administer more morphine until finally she would simply close her eyes. So as her legs began to cramp and our rubbing was of no comfort we called out to the nurse to help alleviate the pain. I remember watching him walk in the room and reach down to her ankle to take a pulse. He looked at all of us and said “the end is near, her feet are dead.”

We all swallowed deep and kept reminiscing over funny family stories; the nurse in the meantime walked around to the head of the bed and said “Marie, how are you feeling?” Her response was “Joe, how would you feel if I reached down and grabbed your balls and twisted the hell out of them? That’s how I feel, now fix it!” The nurse had no idea what to say at this point but nod and administer the drugs; we on the other hand erupted into laughter as we watched our mother gently close her eyes for the last time turning our laughter into tears.

So as I decide to try my hand at giving up swearing for forty days, I must do so by first thinking of my mother and asking for her to watch over me for this time putting new words in my mouth and new thoughts in my head.

I miss you Mom, forty days here I come….what are you willing to sacrifice to become a better person?

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